Being pro-active

Had a check up with my psychologist today and she challenged me to be more pro-active in changing my circumstances and to be more of a go-getter in life. I know I am not always as assertive as I could be. My challenge lies in that I am still not sure what I really want out of life and that makes it hard to chase after things. My doctor said I should always send a follow up letter after an interview and should pound the pavement and go in to meet people not just send an email. This is not my style but she may have a point.

This week I'm not so stressed and taking a breather. Starting to think of next year and different possibilities. It is suicide month or at least the month that we refer to as that as it gets really hot. It is the anniversary of when my classmate committed suicide in Form 1 and I always do think back on it. I found the quote below a good one.

A friend shared an article titled Ten things you should never say to someone with bipolar. It was an interesting read. Personally I don't take offence to banter on being bipolar. The only occasion I've been upset was when a friend lashed out at being grouped in my Facebook support group and said some hurtful things about how she perceived bipolar as a stigma. I guess I don't like being thought of as different just because I have it. I have come to terms with having it but it does not define me. I can jest about it and often do to make light of what can be a difficult disease.

Facing and appreciating the mountains

Last weekend I went down to Joburg to see a dear friend who was over in South Africa visiting her family. Whilst there I went with her family to schul or synagogue. The rabbi gave a brief talk on mountains and how it is not ideal to be at the top of the mountain as you have no further challenges to face and you are no longer stimulated. At the same time it is not a good place to be to be intimidated at the base of a mountain and be overwhelmed. Rather it is best to be at the start of the mountain path full of inspiration and motivation to overcome it. I guess this is true for life. I do struggle with my mountains which can become overbearing.

I saw my therapist on getting back to Harare and she has challenged me to take time each day to think of beautiful things and the good things that have happened. A friend lent me a book which I am taking a while to get through called "Sleeping with Bread". The title is based on the true story of children who were orphaned in the Second World War in London who were left destitute and couldn't sleep at night worried about what would become of them the next day and if they would eat. To quell this fear they were given a loaf of bread to sleep with to reassure them that they ate today and would eat again tomorrow. The book goes on to explain a mindset and prayer life where you look back at the day each night and think of one thing you are grateful for from the day and one thing you wish you could change. This helps you see what is important and appreciate what is good and challenging you in life.

So my challenge is to think more positively and develop my appreciation of the good rather than the bad. I guess the 100 days of happiness challenge on Facebook is a bit like that. I need to take stock more of what I am thankful for.