Dear Diary

 Dear Diary ...

It has been a long time since I lifted your cover and delved into the familiar pages within. These pages have weathered depression, sorrow, mania ... balancing medication - at times unsuccessfully,  crushes, love, passion, rejection and heartache. They don't really go into gradual acceptance, numbness and the void. Life moves on at an alarming speed, but do I move with it. Am I still left on that empty beach where I was told it was over. What will it take to start a new chapter of my own and turn the page.

We were living off borrowed time

 Your presence is still here, the empty dog bed, the foot tread behind me. I turn, expecting to see your smiling face or your nudge beneath my elbow. Then I think of your freshly dug grave up in the back garden. Beside my other two precious pups, Jasper and Elsie. Soon to plant a yesterday, today and tomorrow bush and a deep crimson rose above you.

I wish your time here could have been longer and that you hadn't suffered before you went. My mum stayed up all night with you. I didn't. I had to teach the next day. I only am told of your sad, painful demise. I am so sorry.

Under the tree where the bees had been

 Dogs know when their time is near. King upped and went to the tall strelitzias yesterday. A spot hidden away. He had more or less stopped eating at this point and we sensed the end was near. I followed him and crouched by him, grieving my imminent loss.

He was my cuddle bear, ever gentle, soft and kind. My emotional support dog, confidant and friend. The antithesis of Jasper, my previous dog, but beautiful in so many other ways.

Today I said good bye to another animal soul mate. He will always be my very dear fur baby and steady pad foot friend.