Memoir I

 It was a court case over visiting rights and custody. I was thirteen. My sister and I were sent in to see the judge in his rooms at the high court. I had to think back over the last few months of my dad's erratic behavior. Strange, unsettling. A manic depressive not on medication. Alarming for my younger self and my little sister.

I did most of the talking. My sister sat there. How did I feel my dad was as a father? Did I feel safe? Prior to this I had been for therapy and the psychologist had written an affidavit. I was asked if I wanted to still see my dad. This all seemed really heavy stuff for a thirteen year old.

But how did I feel inside? What did I really want? What figure did my dad cut for my sister and me?

The time in the judge's room ended and we were ushered out. As we went into the corridor, my dad was at the other end. He shouted out he had a right to see his children. We were quickly transferred into another room. And that was the last time. Did my dad have the right to see us? I'm still thinking about that one to this day.