Climbing out of the pit

After being on a high for the last while I hit an all time low last week while out in Marondera. Each morning I woke up with dread and had to put on a smile and pretend everything was fine during the day. I didn't feel like making conversation and inwardly felt like crying. When I got back to town on Friday evening I sank onto the couch and dissolved into a flood of gut wrenching weeping. I haven't been this low for quite some time but the feeling was all too familiar and the hopelessness was overwhelming.

I struggled to get up over the weekend and on Monday I had to put on my veneer of all is OK. On Monday night though I tried to commit suicide by swallowing all my elanzopine. I had read that if you take a heavy dose you can go into a coma. I just wanted out and not to have to face life anymore.

Well since you are reading this you can tell I didn't go into comatose slumber but I was rather wonky on Tuesday and didn't go to work. I am a little bit better today, I just hope I can climb out of the pit I descended into and I dread the return of depression. I will have to go see my therapist and my doctor is keeping an eye on me.