Climate change in action

Sitting simmering in a sultry sauna I am taking stock of where I am. Decisions loom before me once more which are always my personal nemesis as I have to be one of the most indecisive people I know and I tend to invest a lot of unnecessary energy into my humming and ha-ing. At the moment I feel like a bird that has had its wings clipped but which is yearning to fly free once more. The trouble is I don't know where exactly it is I want to fly to. I also have a rather foggy idea about what it is I really and truly want to do. A part of me is almost tempted to sign up to study all over again but something completely different. But studying comes at a certain cost and there is freedom in having a 9 till 5 job. Such are my ponderings.

With regards to my diagnosis of possibly being bipolar I am being challenged to not think of this as a handicap. At times this is easier said than done. As there are no physical symptoms at times it feels like an imaginary condition and not plausible but in the depths of despair it can be very real and haunting. The concept of having to be put on lithium is an obstacle. On the one hand if it were to help then it would be a relief but there are issues in my life such as my frustrations in decision making which will not be solved by this. I have also heard both encouraging and frightening tales of others who have taken it. How will I react if I do end up on it?

Apart from these sombre musings I keep myself busy if I can. Teaching is a necessary occupation for the moment but I am not sure if this is what I want to devote the rest of my life to. I have been challenged to instead maybe launch my own self-employment project as the vague job specifications I have formulated are not providing a job in hand.