The fear and exhilaration of mania

In my own personal experiences of bipolar so far, my life with the disease has been punctuated more frequently with the depressive side of manic depression, with fewer of its namesake's manic episodes. The depressive intervals have often been pain-filled and difficult, lasting from a couple of days to weeks on end. In comparison, my manic moments have been just that, more momentary and fleeting. I am wary of them as often they have included psychosis, and I often ascend during them to a dangerous precipice from which I then fall into what have been my deepest pits of depression.

Looking back, my major manic episodes have been cataclysmic. During my teenage years however they were untreated and not recognised for what they were. My family doctor at the time put it down to hormones and felt I was over reacting. They have often made me feel at my most creative but also made me a danger to myself and made my behaviours seem exceedingly odd to others. Often occurring at major stress periods in my life, I can now retrospectively see that they were most probably triggered by this. Embarrassed by what I have done in past mania, I currently anticipate them with dread and any indication that I am becoming slightly manic makes me anxious. Like many other manic depressives however, I do feel at my wittiest, most creative and most exhiairated during these times. I do know now though that I am also at my most dangerous as in the past these highs have then been followed by suicidal lows.

To prevent myself from becoming manic there are some preemptive steps I can take. One of the most important is getting enough sleep. Insomnia is one of the biggest tipping factors for me and making sure I keep what my doctor calls "sleep hygiene" is of utmost importance. Another key is making sure I take my medication, which is important for all depressives. I keep track of my moods and try to monitor when I am becoming manic, however there is a danger in this, in that one can be overly sensitive and fail to live in the moment and enjoy life's natural highs. I often have my best ideas and trains of thought when feeling upbeat and optimistic during these highs. At the end of the day I guess it is all about keeping balanced.