Today is Easter Sunday but I am finding it hard to keep believing in God and have faith. Ironically the sermon when I went to church with my Mum today was focused on stop doubting and believing - with reference to the story on Thomas. Since going on lithium I have stopped having such drastic lows but on the other hand have started to just not care about things I once did deeply. In praise and worship this morning I could hardly sing the words as I felt I don't really believe it and I just don't feel a conviction in my faith. This does upset me as I still do feel God's judgement and a fear of him but I struggle to see his love and feel any relationship or truly know him. I start to wonder if I ever really did.
I guess this is something I have to work through and I need a new revelation. My lithium hardened heart needs to be softened and made alive again.
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