Limbo and Stayaway

Harare is a bit of a political hot bed at the moment. You are not sure each day what it will bring. I've been driving my friend Xenoula out to Glen View high density area each morning and then picking her up from Epworth in the afternoon. In the mornings the police are out in full force but for a change they are not interested in spot fines on things like fire extinguishers and radio licences but are more concerned with mini bus taxis going into the city or back to the townships and all the people they are transporting. I say that, I did have to dig out my extinguisher and show my spare tyre in town on Enterprise Road later today, but they didn't press me further than those, unusual.

I saw my therapist again this morning and we talked on me being codependent on my mum, what I can do when I go to England to diffuse any possible blow ups with my sister and how to curve some of my paranoid thinking. I went on to my psychiatrist and he has upped my lithium dose which may stop some of the paranoia. I have a much longer wait with my new psychiatrist and I do miss the maximim of a ten minute wait with my other psych. She also dug deeper into things - my new doctor said I must simply refer to the prayer for serenity with my sister. A bit of a simplification.

The doctor today said I must come up with a daily time table for each hour so I have something to always do, particularly if the home school I've been working at doesn't reopen next week. He suggested I should come up with a concept paper for a research project I could do. He is an academic himself and after hearing I didn't finish my PhD he is a little obsessed that I return to academia. I am not so sure. I would rather maybe try write a book. On Monday though I did meet with someone and walk with them and my friend Xenoula along what I think is the Mukuvusi River that flows through Hillside Park. It's really polluted with plastic and other dumping and needs clearing out of invasive alien vegetation. It's a possible project - needs some funding though and some willing volunteers.

Photo courtesy of Xenoula

Photo courtesy of Xenoula

Found an article bpHope Magazine's blog had interesting. I did know what I was angry about but this bit fits pretty well - "Like it or not, anger can be a symptom of bipolar disorder. Just like depression and mania, anger is relatively common. In my opinion, it is one of the most destructive symptoms, as it relates to interacting with other people, especially friends and family.

Many people with bipolar disorder describe a feeling of abandonment by loved ones. This is an excellent example of how anger can be a very destructive symptom. Whether the anger pushes a person away or we are angry at someone who isn’t as prominent in our lives as we’d like, anger can rot a person from the inside out. Ignoring anger is foolish for anyone, but it is especially foolish for someone with bipolar disorder, given what is at stake. Unchecked anger can lead to self-harm, irreparable damage in close relationships, and, in rare cases, can lead to violence."