Retrospective

A year on and I feel I have moved on with a considerably big stride. Quite where to and where my path is headed I'm uncertain, but guess noone knows that really. I am still dipping my bucket into different ventures without having a clear idea of what tank I'm filling or where this is leading but for the moment it keeps me occuppied and makes me have less empty spaces of time to fill and sit and think too much in.

Today in particular I am feeling a bit restless and can't settle to anything. There are a number of possible PhD options going but I am undecided on whether I want to pick up the academic baton again and try run with it once more. The jobs I am doing right now are interesting but not bread-winning. I shy away from the idea of teaching full time but environmental work just doesn't seem to pay here right now.

Well, will see what happens, but am realising I need to take a leap of faith some time soon and take a step forward into the unknown void and make a splash.

"Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better" Albert Einstein

Am having a laid back Saturday morning savouring the dappled patches of wintry sunshine outside and a leisurely pace to life. Sometimes it is healing to sit back and see the daisies and fully appreciate the moment. Have been dabbling in different things ranging from researching community conservation efforts in far flung Guyana to investigating the ethnoarchaeology of Papua New Guinean and African art and artifacts. This is in a way allowing me to tentatively explore new things but within a safety net. At times it is frustrating that I am not fully employed but at others it is good to have space to explore and rediscover what makes me tick and drives my passion.

Since my illness I have been grappling with the concept of reality and how one's thinking influences one's perception of the world, the people in it and one's own place within the world. With internet one now can live very much in a virtual world and one is bombarded by others' opinions and constructions of reality. That is why stepping out into nature, being surrounded by the raw, rough and at times harsh physical reality can be important to one's soul and sense of identity. Relating to other people and the way your circle of acquaintances think then imparts philosophies and emotions onto your psyche and this is also an interesting conundrum. Would one think in the way one does if one did not associate with the people one does?

Well some thoughts to throw into the pool of contemplation and the ripples of these thought waves to mull over.

La vie est comme une boite de chocolat ...

Well I'm taking a step towards trying to write. Will see how this goes and how long the flavour of creativity lasts. So, this finds me back in Zimbabwe and trying to make another go at life after a bout of serious depression. It has been a bit of a U-turn from what I thought I would be doing. I had my future all planned out but then had a massive spanner thrown into the works. Goes to show you shouldn't get too far ahead of yourself, you don't know what is waiting just around the corner.

I am a bit more apathetic than I used to be, the passion I had for things has sort of fizzled out a bit. A bit like a fire cracker thrown into a big rain puddle. Right now I feel like I have been handed a different canvas to paint on and I am trying to put the first brush strokes down after being told to try out a new art medium. It's a bit experimental and tentative.