Continuation of living in the now

We had a good friend home for Christmas from the UK. Sadly she discovered she has the early stages of breast cancer when she went to see her GP here. It has made me realise life is short and you don't know what will come your way. You need to live life to the fullest and seize every opportunity that comes your way. You also need to invest in time with friends and family as you never know when you may no longer have them.

Am sure our friend will make a full recovery but has been a bit of a curve ball.

Like the picture below. Is true, you must do what you love and not waste time doing what doesn't fulfil you.

Living in the Now

So it is starting to look like the coming year might be a year of travels and new things. I am quite excited. I am now thinking of doing a CELTA course in Cape Town and see friends and family there before going to Oxford in the spring. In between will be my dear friend Nina's wedding for which I am a bridesmaid. Excited for that too and helping with the peacock theme preparations and planning her kitchen tea/hen party.

Am looking towards these things as the first of January looms and I am currently unemployed. I will advertise to tutor though in between so that I earn my bread and butter. A teeny part of me worries that I might have let go of an opportunity at Peterhouse but I think it would have been very stressful and I don't know that I would be ready to teach on the 15th of January and a very heavy schedule at that. If I can eventually teach English as a second language it might be a more chilled environment and one on one might be better than big classes with lots of marking.

Haven't heard back about the university lecturing or about a part time job with WWF yet. Will see.

This morning at church there was a word to live in the now and not dwell on the past or get ahead of yourself into the future. There was also a call to look to the mountains when you are in deep valleys and see mountains as promising challenges to overcome and to do so with a servant mindset. Good to think on for the coming year ahead.

Christmas rain

Hot sultry days build cumulonimbus clouds and portent of rains
As the day reaches mid-day heat the sky grows an ominous inky slate grey blue
Thunder rolls and the air is close, all awaits
Thick, sloppy drops fall to the earth
Then all holds its breath, quickens and the drum roll of raindrops hits the tar
The earth hisses in appreciation of the life giving rain
The muddy earth gives off its distinctive scent
Flying ants drift up into the air, like fairies dancing in the rains
Another year's planting can take place, the rains have come
and so has Christmas time.

Feeling a bit more hopeful

Finished off work this week for Imire. Leaves me unemployed but am sure I can pick up some biology, maths and English tutoring next year and doing part time work will mean I could still go to Oxford for a bit. Chatted with my psychologist on what I really want out of a job. Helps me visualise a bit more what I want and what I should avoid. Guess can't be too choosey in Zim but hopefully will get enough odd jobs to survive financially. Doing part time would mean I can pick up my writers and creative groups and do more art and photography.

We have had our electric gate put in now. Means I can think about venturing out again at night. Will need to get my courage up to do so, but is definitely an improvement in the state of things.

Looking forward to Christmas. Hopefully will remain optimistic with the new year beginning and some work will come my way with it.

Some decisions made

After much indecision and stress I made the decision not to teach at Peterhouse next year. It was a good opportunity but the time table was going to be killing and I didn't have much time to prep for it. I'm afraid I got to the point of taking all my pills again in the process. Zonked me out for the weekend but I did make a decision at the end of it.

This leaves me unemployed still for next year. I am still waiting to hear about part time lecturing at the UZ in zoology and there might be some part time work with WWF. In the meantime I will try get some tutoring work and maybe substitute at the International School. I do want to go over to Oxford and do a CELTA Teaching English as a Foreign language course. Will go after my friend Nina's wedding for which I am a bridesmaid.

My psychologist was supportive of my decision but my therapist questioned what my long term plan is. I am not too sure to be honest. My therapist did also state that I am a bit of a burden on my Mum and need to support myself. This upset me but is true to a degree. Just not sure what work in Zim would really make me self supporting and help me break free of dependence.

So that's where I am currently.

In a sea of indecision

After starting to think way ahead and almost living in the future I am now facing big decisions and am rather undecided and a little daunted by it all. Do I want to pursue teaching and seriously give it a go or do I want to do something else. Will have to decide in the coming week. Need to try look at it all objectively and with a long term plan in mind. Right now I am not sure.

Feel a bit like a tiny boat tossed on the waves of indecision and uncertainty. Need to pray for wisdom and to be placed where I'm meant to be.

Meditating on the following from the book of James and trusting for the right decision.

 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds,3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 

Almost Christmas Time

Christmas is almost here and the end of my current job is nigh. Initially I was apprehensive and depressed about not having a job for next year but things have taken an interesting turn and suddenly a whole load of doors have swung open simultaneously. I had an interview yesterday to possibly teach maths from form 1 to 4 at Peterhouse. It has its appeal and the school has amazing facilities such as an equestrian centre and Gosho Park right next door. The only thing is I would be in Marondera but there is a bus that goes to Harare at weekends.

My other options are possibly lecturing part time at the University of Zimbabwe in zoology, private tutoring or possibly a project with Environment Africa and USAID. I have also been offered the chance to go do a TOEFL CELTA course in Oxford and see friends and family in the UK. So lots of choices out of nowhere.

Things are a little uncertain politically in Zim at the moment, with Grace rapidly ascending to power and the possibility of a Mugabe dynasty. Some of my friends who are usually the eternal optimists are not so confident on what next year will bring. I also had a friend remind me that in terms of finding a potential spouse the pickings are not great in Zim and will be even more limited in Marondera. We will see.

I really would like to visit the UK but I am not sure that I could live there permanently. In my excitement at visiting Oxford I started looking at photos and the majority of them have grey overcast skies. I would miss the sunshine in Zimbabwe and the open spaces. Would also really miss my dogs and if things do flare up politically will worry about my Mum's safety.

Lots to think about and will see which doors stay open and which ones close.