Social

Spring has sprung and I am keeping busy and been quite social. Keeping structure to my day helps me and makes me do better. Am loving teaching English to my two Chinese students. They are very gentle people and we have fun. They serve me green tea which is dried leaves that unfurl when you put them in hot water. The friend who put me in touch with them very kindly gave me some TOEFL Headway books and when I popped round to get them I got to see her beautiful cats that were rescues from SPCA.

With the hot weather we have the return of the Mozambique spitting cobra in our yard - eeek. I am not a huge fan of all things slithering. Luckily our dogs didn't chase it when it was outside our back door this morning. It is a bit of a worry though and I will take my torch with me when venturing outside at night. Went to the pub quiz at Amanzi again last night and we came third. Tonight am going to a girls night out at Ster-Kinekor in Borrowdale to see the chick flick Aloha. Tomorrow there is a jazz concert at Alliance Francaise and on Saturday there is Spring Strings. There is also a quilting show on at Hellenic - lots to do.

Things are expensive in Zim and many people are getting disheartened and pessimistic. Lots of people are out of work and the cost of living is high. One has to keep focused on the good things though and try stay positive.

A month today I will be boarding the Emirates plane en route to Oxford. Am looking forward to it. My tentative plan is to be in Oxford the first week and then maybe go the following week to Norfolk to see a friend and visit where my Grandparents used to live. I would then go up north to Nottingham and maybe York and then come back down via London. I would also like to maybe visit friends in Gloucester. Well that's the plan - I need to budget and will probably take the coach rather than trains to save.

Keeping busy

This week has flown by as I have been keeping pretty busy. I thrive on being active and do much better mood wise when I have structure to my day. I have new Chinese students to use my CELTA teaching English as a foreign language with. They are lovely. One is a businessman in a tobacco company, whilst the other is a house wife. Finally really putting my training in Cape Town into practice and hopefully is a step towards breaking into the Chinese community here which could possibly be the way to go.

Have also been sociable this week seeing lots of ladies for tea. Spent a wonderful afternoon with a lady I don't know that well from church who is challenging herself to meet with every lady in the church. Her story touched me as she too struggled with depression but she has come through with an amazing testimony. Her garden is a delight, full of pinks, oranges and purples with lavender, clivias, bougainvillea and another flower I can't remember the name of.

Also went along to the pub quiz at Amanzi last night with friends. Usually can't go as it is the same night as home group but was free yesterday so was able to go and it was a lot of fun. We came 5th and I was chuffed at getting echelons from the French for ladder. Remembered after the Swiss legend of the invasion of Geneva and the annual marathon around the city commemorating it with La Fete D'Escalades.

Also got the following dingbat - see if you get it :)

The weekend looks busy with a music camp concert tomorrow night, possibly writing group on Saturday morning, another classical music concert by artists visiting from the States for the music camp and then a darts social with friends on Saturday night.

Just over a month till I touch down in the UK. Let me know if you would like to see me if you are over that way and possible dates you're free :)

Ups and downs

Well if I had gone overseas I would be in France right now. There is a part of me that regrets not going and wonders if I should have just stepped out in faith that I could do it. I don't know though that I would have been able to have taught biology, maths, science and English to non-English speakers everyday and coped with the work load. It would have amounted to 8 hours of teaching a day with each lesson being 2 hours long. In some ways the other job I had been offered where I would have taught English only in the mornings and then gone on excursions with the students in the afternoons would have been more manageable and realistic. Taking on English for academic and specific purposes was ambitious of me when I had only just done CELTA.

I have contacted my psychologist and trying to get an appointment. Will see my therapist this week on Friday. I want to have my anti-depressants reviewed as I am getting more and more frequent big dips. My psychologist is reluctant to change my medication. I may try get permission to get a second opinion from a psychologist friends of mine go to. Changing meds will be quite a big thing as will have to be weaned off what I'm currently on. Might mean I have to go into hospital again which I don't really want but if it means my moods can stabilise and I don't have to face such desperate lows it may be worth it.

Here are a whole bunch of quotes I found that I can relate to.

Therapy

Am in a slightly better space this week. I seem to be getting bad downs as part of my PMS and they have been getting worse. My psychologist has said to try evening primrose but I would like to see if there is anything else as it means every month I seem to hit a down. Saw my therapist yesterday and we talked through Oxford, the work and stress loads and my general mental health. She said for the time being I'll just have to plan for the downs and identify them for what they are, not try fight them and try to just get through them. I wish I could get something to help with them before I leave for overseas but there isn't really time now to play around with my meds. The next down could be the week before I am supposed to start teaching which is not great.

This is the horrible thing about being bipolar, it never completely goes away and when you slip into depression you fear the worst and it holds you captive once again and you just feel rotten and worthless. I was trying to fight the last down but it got to the point where it all just seemed too much and I just couldn't put on a mask any more and carry on. Meant I missed two days of teaching and languished in bed feeling useless. I can't really afford to have that when overseas.

A friend is worried as if I went the NHS route in the UK if I needed help I could have to wait and at worst might have to go into a mental hospital again. This is of course worse case scenario. Spoke to another friend though and she suggested that I bite the bullet if I hit a big low and just go see a private doctor. My medical aid should help cover it. This really is the worst case but do have to consider it. Another thing I have to think about is whether I keep my entire 3 months medication with me or give some of it to the friend I'm staying with so that the temptation to just take it all is not there.

Overall my therapist has said this should be good for me though and I have wanted to get out of Zim for a bit. Trouble is with the pressure of the work that is ahead my rut here starts to feel very comfortable and safe. The work load is going to be quite heavy, especially initially with lesson planning. I am supposed to be teaching English and then maths and biology for students that don't speak much English. The maths and bio are going to be tricky as I am used to using the teaching method here in Zim whereby you just give notes and explain. For TOEFL you can't do that and you're supposed to come up with lots of creative ways to convey vocabulary and its use. I have to prepare two hour lessons which is also a little challenging and they'll be everyday.

Might see my therapist again next week before I leave, especially if I'm still in a last minute panic mode. Going to miss my other furry therapists i.e. my dogs.

HIFAring and mental health

Well saw both my therapist and psychologist last week and they both are pleased with where I'm at and that I managed to cope with CELTA. It has given me a boost to know I can do it. Still getting over having to quit my PhD but to have passed and survived CELTA has made me feel I can do it. Will see about pursuing science. Focusing on teaching for the moment. I start my part time job with WEZ tomorrow though. They want me to design a syllabus for Grade 6 and 7 on wildlife. Need to check what is already covered so I don't reinvent the wheel. Need to also start preparing for teaching in Oxford as I have to devise schemes of work for that.

My friend's kitchen tea and hen parties on Saturday were a success. Luckily changed the venue for the kitchen tea as it bucketed with rain. Many thanks to The Base Church for letting us use Touching Base. It saved the tea party!

With all my friends getting married and having babies it does make me ponder still being single. Met up with a good guy friend in Cape Town but he seems set on someone else and I do feel a bit like Eponine from Les Miserables. My therapist said I should tell him but I am afraid it might ruin our friendship. Also doesn't help that he is all the way in Cape Town, sigh. Would be nice to have a man in my life at this point. Got to just trust God's timing.

My friend's wedding is this Saturday. Praying it stops raining by then and that it is also dry for HIFA (Harare International Festival of the Arts) next week. I've booked to go to the opera, a tribute to Simon and Garfunkel, Will McNicol, Tangram, Bards on Bicycles doing MacBeth, Moringa Mornings and a few others. My wallet is a little emptied but thanks to a friend who is an amigo got a discount.

After HIFA there will only be 3 weeks till I go to Oxford via Dubai. I leave for Dubai on the 23rd of May and will be there till the 28th. I then fly to London and will be in Oxford for a few days before I head to France (Aigues-Mortes) for two weeks. I return to Oxford and will start teaching on the 22nd of June. Looking forward to it. Lots of work and festivities between now and then.

Dubai

Aigues-Mortes, France

Day 12 & 13 - the end in sight and techno-glitches

The pressure has been lifted slightly in that my lesson for Friday was moved to next week and we are knocking off earlier each day to have more time for assignments. Have two more assignment hand ins and then two more lessons and then my continual assessments are done - yeeha! Can't wait till Wednesday next week :) I will then be one happy bunny - or at least hopefully :P

Been observing quite a few experienced teachers as part of our assignment work. Cool to see how it is done and note some tricks of the trade. Going to still feel a little nervous going into the real world after this and having to make my own way but the grounding we've been given will hopefully come to the fore. I have a potential job with a language school in Oxford teaching English and biology at Lady Margaret Hall. As long as I pass the course!

Briefly met up with my good friend Warren yesterday and he introduced me to video clips of "Killer Karaoke" - made me laugh so much - good stress relief. Have a look here :)

Glad I got in early this morning as had trouble with the speakers for the MP3 player I needed for my listening lesson today. At one point the plug of one got stuck in the socket and I was trying to lever it out with a knife - health and safety rules broken and I'm lucky I didn't electrocute myself in hindsight.

The coastline was hidden on the bus ride home this evening as sea mist was engulfing the mountains and sea. Met an interesting lady from Kenya on the Myciti Bus who came from Kericho where my Mum lived when she was a child. Apparently the tea estates there now supply The Queen and the sheikhs of Saudi Arabia and the Middle East. Interesting.

OK to work!

Day 2 - hottest day in 100 years & fires

Today was my first lesson being observed which was nerve wracking. I talked a bit too much and had one student get up and leave just after I started and another come in half way through which threw me a little. The one who came late then didn't speak any English which was a bit hard going. Other than that though it was all good.

This afternoon we had a lesson in Japanese to experience what it is like to be a learner not knowing anything and trying to learn a new language from scratch. We got all the instructions in Japanese but from visuals, prompts and body language we understood what was happening. I now know how to greet in Japanese and order a selection of different beverages.

Apparently today was the hottest day in 100 years of recorded history for Cape Town. It sure was warm. There are also major fires raging in the mountains near Muizenberg. I was inside mostly with the course but on the bus ride home the bus was over capacity full and it got very hot and sticky.

On another note, just booked my ticket for the UK. Will be leaving Harare on 23 May, stopping over in Dubai to see my friend Manisha and then arriving at Heathrow on 28 May. Will then be going to the south of France for 2 weeks and then will return to Oxford to teach English (hoping I pass CELTA). My Cousins may be joining me in Oxford briefly but super excited to explore it with them.

OK the end! I must go prep for tomorrow's lesson. Wish me luck :)

http://ewn.co.za/2015/03/03/CT-experiences-hottest-day-in-100-years-fires-rage-on

CELTA Course and Plans

After working full time the whole of last year I am back to doing part time tutoring and ad hoc work. Although I get bored with routine I do miss having structure to my day and wasn't doing so well with endless hours of free time at the beginning of January with no firm plans. A teeny part of me regretted not taking the job teaching maths full time at Peterhouse.

Since then I had two Skype interviews, one for a CELTA course in Oxford and the other for one in Cape Town and accidentally forgot about an interview set up for a scientific equipment marketing job in California. The California job might have been interesting but is a little far from home. I got accepted on both CELTA courses and have opted to do it in Cape Town in March. It sounds like it is going to be quite an intense four weeks but will give me some needed skills in teaching and a qualification.

My plan is to then visit the UK in the summer and use the CELTA qualification in Oxford. I have also been invited by friends to go with them to the south of France which will be lovely. 2015 is therefore going to be a bit of travel and new things (nearly said 2014). From my art group we did chapter 7 of The Artist's Way looking at recovering a sense of connection. We had each collected pictures that reflected our past, present, future and dreams. One of the things that came out for me from that was the wish to travel so 2015 looks set to check that box. It is thanks to a very generous friend helping assist me do this.

I think it will do me good to step out of Zim for a bit and get new perspective. I need to decide on my longterm plan. On my current and past salaries I could not really afford to live here if something happened to my Mum. “Science,” Einstein once wrote, “is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one’s living at it.” I may need to make a career shift. While in the UK I might see if there are any conservation jobs going or otherwise tutoring. I don't know though that I would cope with winter and the English weather - I would miss African soil and sunshine and my dogs!! We will see. For the moment I have the next couple of months mapped out for me and they should be exciting.

Almost Christmas Time

Christmas is almost here and the end of my current job is nigh. Initially I was apprehensive and depressed about not having a job for next year but things have taken an interesting turn and suddenly a whole load of doors have swung open simultaneously. I had an interview yesterday to possibly teach maths from form 1 to 4 at Peterhouse. It has its appeal and the school has amazing facilities such as an equestrian centre and Gosho Park right next door. The only thing is I would be in Marondera but there is a bus that goes to Harare at weekends.

My other options are possibly lecturing part time at the University of Zimbabwe in zoology, private tutoring or possibly a project with Environment Africa and USAID. I have also been offered the chance to go do a TOEFL CELTA course in Oxford and see friends and family in the UK. So lots of choices out of nowhere.

Things are a little uncertain politically in Zim at the moment, with Grace rapidly ascending to power and the possibility of a Mugabe dynasty. Some of my friends who are usually the eternal optimists are not so confident on what next year will bring. I also had a friend remind me that in terms of finding a potential spouse the pickings are not great in Zim and will be even more limited in Marondera. We will see.

I really would like to visit the UK but I am not sure that I could live there permanently. In my excitement at visiting Oxford I started looking at photos and the majority of them have grey overcast skies. I would miss the sunshine in Zimbabwe and the open spaces. Would also really miss my dogs and if things do flare up politically will worry about my Mum's safety.

Lots to think about and will see which doors stay open and which ones close.