Faith

Feeling more upbeat today and positive about going overseas on Saturday. I think leaving is going to hit me but am preparing my lessons as much as I can and wrapping things up here. A friend is going to install Boardworks on my hard drive just now, which are animated slides for biology. This will help and I am putting together my lesson ideas. It's still going to be a bit stressful preparing for the first two weeks as there is only so much I can prepare without the text book and I've got a way to go with my resources for individual lessons. Am going to be busy the week after I get back from France. Don't know yet which group I will be teaching English to and what level they will be.

Yesterday at church we were challenged to think "what are you doing for heaven's sake" and looked at faith to walk on water and meet life's challenges. Was a good word for me to think about and take with me. The story below also was encouraging.

One day I decided to quit.... I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality. .. I wanted to quit my life. I went to the woods to have one last talk with God. 'God', I asked, 'Can you give me one good reason not to quit?' His answer surprised me... 'Look around', He said. 'Do you see the fern and the bamboo?' 'Yes', I replied. 'When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo', He said. 'In year three, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit.' He said. 'Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant. ..

But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. 'I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.' He asked me. 'Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots'. 'I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you.' 'Don't compare yourself to others.' He said. 'The bamboo had a different Purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful.' 'Your time will come', God said to me. 'You will rise high' 'How high should I rise?' I asked. 'How high will the bamboo rise?' He asked in return. 'As high as it can?' I questioned. 'Yes.' He said, 'Give me glory by rising as high as you can.' I left the forest and brought back this story. I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you. Never, Never, Never Give up on yourself... For Prayer is not an option but an opportunity. Don't tell the Lord how big the problem is, tell the problem how Great the Lord is!

Therapy

Am in a slightly better space this week. I seem to be getting bad downs as part of my PMS and they have been getting worse. My psychologist has said to try evening primrose but I would like to see if there is anything else as it means every month I seem to hit a down. Saw my therapist yesterday and we talked through Oxford, the work and stress loads and my general mental health. She said for the time being I'll just have to plan for the downs and identify them for what they are, not try fight them and try to just get through them. I wish I could get something to help with them before I leave for overseas but there isn't really time now to play around with my meds. The next down could be the week before I am supposed to start teaching which is not great.

This is the horrible thing about being bipolar, it never completely goes away and when you slip into depression you fear the worst and it holds you captive once again and you just feel rotten and worthless. I was trying to fight the last down but it got to the point where it all just seemed too much and I just couldn't put on a mask any more and carry on. Meant I missed two days of teaching and languished in bed feeling useless. I can't really afford to have that when overseas.

A friend is worried as if I went the NHS route in the UK if I needed help I could have to wait and at worst might have to go into a mental hospital again. This is of course worse case scenario. Spoke to another friend though and she suggested that I bite the bullet if I hit a big low and just go see a private doctor. My medical aid should help cover it. This really is the worst case but do have to consider it. Another thing I have to think about is whether I keep my entire 3 months medication with me or give some of it to the friend I'm staying with so that the temptation to just take it all is not there.

Overall my therapist has said this should be good for me though and I have wanted to get out of Zim for a bit. Trouble is with the pressure of the work that is ahead my rut here starts to feel very comfortable and safe. The work load is going to be quite heavy, especially initially with lesson planning. I am supposed to be teaching English and then maths and biology for students that don't speak much English. The maths and bio are going to be tricky as I am used to using the teaching method here in Zim whereby you just give notes and explain. For TOEFL you can't do that and you're supposed to come up with lots of creative ways to convey vocabulary and its use. I have to prepare two hour lessons which is also a little challenging and they'll be everyday.

Might see my therapist again next week before I leave, especially if I'm still in a last minute panic mode. Going to miss my other furry therapists i.e. my dogs.

Bit anxious

Two weeks today I leave to go overseas. Have been feeling anxious about putting my lessons for the summer teaching together. Also have had quite a down again after my friend's wedding and have been struggling to just get out of bed each day. Although I've done the CELTA course, applying it to teaching biology and maths is proving a bigger challenge than I thought. A friend who trains teachers in TEFL here in Zim helped me and I was really grateful to sit with her and see how I can apply CELTA to biology. Still a little daunted and it doesn't help not having the text book I will be using. Finding some stuff on Pinterest though to make lessons fun.

Think I'm a little anxious about leaving home for so long and being on my own a bit. The returning bout of depression has not helped and has been quite crippling. I think I fear failing again and in a way am wanting the perfect lesson plan and to arrive in Oxford all ready to teach. Finding it hard to cope here has made me worry about how I'll manage overseas.

HIFA came and went whilst I was having my down and I didn't enjoy it as much as in previous years. Missed three performances whilst having my big dip. There isn't time now to review my anti depression meds but when I get back will need to see if there is something to stop such big downs maybe.

Earth Day - You're a giant squid!

You're a giant squid!

You can achieve anything to which you put your mind and/or your massive tentacles.

Today is World Earth Day and Google is doing a random quiz as their doodle for it. Found the fun advice encouraging as have been beginning to feel a little stressed about my upcoming teaching job in Oxford. Still not clear on whether I'll be teaching just biology and English or if I will also be teaching maths and general science. Need to start preparing now and I have to draw up a schemes of work.

Started work for WEZ yesterday - again, feeling a little overwhelmed with that as they basically want a grade 6 and 7 junior school syllabus that focuses on wildlife. The past quiz questions are very specific and the students need to have a broad knowledge of all things wild. I need to get hold of the current syllabus and see what is already included. Have contacted people at BirdLife Zimbabwe, the Conservation Society of Monavale Vlei and other organisations for some of their schools materials. Can only do my best in the time I've got till I go to England.

Been asked if I would consider going to teach in Moscow in September. Waiting to hear more - it would be as an English teacher. Could be really interesting and is a part of the world that fascinates me. Will see.

HIFAring and mental health

Well saw both my therapist and psychologist last week and they both are pleased with where I'm at and that I managed to cope with CELTA. It has given me a boost to know I can do it. Still getting over having to quit my PhD but to have passed and survived CELTA has made me feel I can do it. Will see about pursuing science. Focusing on teaching for the moment. I start my part time job with WEZ tomorrow though. They want me to design a syllabus for Grade 6 and 7 on wildlife. Need to check what is already covered so I don't reinvent the wheel. Need to also start preparing for teaching in Oxford as I have to devise schemes of work for that.

My friend's kitchen tea and hen parties on Saturday were a success. Luckily changed the venue for the kitchen tea as it bucketed with rain. Many thanks to The Base Church for letting us use Touching Base. It saved the tea party!

With all my friends getting married and having babies it does make me ponder still being single. Met up with a good guy friend in Cape Town but he seems set on someone else and I do feel a bit like Eponine from Les Miserables. My therapist said I should tell him but I am afraid it might ruin our friendship. Also doesn't help that he is all the way in Cape Town, sigh. Would be nice to have a man in my life at this point. Got to just trust God's timing.

My friend's wedding is this Saturday. Praying it stops raining by then and that it is also dry for HIFA (Harare International Festival of the Arts) next week. I've booked to go to the opera, a tribute to Simon and Garfunkel, Will McNicol, Tangram, Bards on Bicycles doing MacBeth, Moringa Mornings and a few others. My wallet is a little emptied but thanks to a friend who is an amigo got a discount.

After HIFA there will only be 3 weeks till I go to Oxford via Dubai. I leave for Dubai on the 23rd of May and will be there till the 28th. I then fly to London and will be in Oxford for a few days before I head to France (Aigues-Mortes) for two weeks. I return to Oxford and will start teaching on the 22nd of June. Looking forward to it. Lots of work and festivities between now and then.

Dubai

Aigues-Mortes, France

Queen of Hearts

Just finished submitting my police clearance as I thankfully found a copy of my ID. Had been to Rudd Street where I processed my ID in 2002 to see if by any chance they had my metal disk - had heard stories of other people being lucky. Unfortunately I wasn't lucky and they didn't unearth it. My police clearance is now being processed. Hope my transgression with the Highlands police doesn't come up when I argued over a speeding ticket.

Now sitting at Queen of Hearts coffee shop. Finished my editing work for the Africa Geopolitics journal and have just been to get decorations for my friend's bridal shower from Bratz Basement. Found the journal articles really interesting reading. They were generally upbeat about Africa and its potential. There was a lot on the relationship with China and there was an interesting piece on Dubai.

I am saddened by the resurgence of xenophobia in South Africa. I was in Durban where it flared up just two weeks ago. Some horrific images are emerging and it needs to be quelled as soon as possible. My heart goes out to the victims and especially the refugees who have nowhere else to go and are being subjected to such brutal hatred. Am praying for peace and safety of foreign nationals. 

As someone pointed out, it is Africans who are being punished not Europeans. Many of the countries targeted were former allies of the ANC during apartheid. The perpetrators do not see this though and lash out at foreigners in anger at the political systems that have failed them.

The spirit of Ubuntu needs to be adopted and for the government to hear the grievances of its people but to clearly state that the targeting of victims in xenophobia is unacceptable.

Fundraiser for Wild Dogs in Zim

From Jessica Watermeyer who works with me for African Wildlife Conservation Fund in Zimbabwe on the African wild dogs.

Dear friends, family and colleagues,

Almost two weeks ago I, once again, ran the Old Mutual Two Oceans half marathon (moderately resembling an African wild dog!) in an effort to raise funds and awareness for the African Wildlife Conservation Fund and our conservation work in Zimbabwe. 

Unfortunately, amongst all the excitement and organising of the event, I shamefully forgot to send out my own sponsorship email. So... I am doing a post event plea for support. 

I don't run the OMTOM half marathon just because I love running, I run to bring about awareness of a conservation cause which I am extremely passionate about, and to raise some very much needed funds for our conservation work and projects.

So, if you feel like helping me make this event a success please consider sponsoring me. I have encouraged each of my 50 runners to raise at least R2 000, and I aim to do the same. 

If everyone copied into this email sponsors me R50 (you are of course welcome to donate more ;)), I will reach this target!

If all of my 50 runners raise R2 000 each, it will amount to R100 000. That is almost $10 000 to go towards our conservation work! With an extra $10 000 we could buy four more satellite tracking collars to monitor our wild dog packs... 

OR we could provide literacy books to 10 of the 123 rural primary schools we support to help children learn to read... 

OR we could carry out 4 comprehensive rabies campaigns in key rural areas to prevent domestic dog (and child!) deaths and to prevent the disease spreading to African wild dogs... 

OR we could immobilise, treat and SAVE 400 wild dogs from wire snares...

AND with enough money raised, we could do it all and so much more!  

DONATIONS can be made in one of two ways: into any of our registered trust accounts (please see attached) OR through our safe and secure PayPal link on our website - http://www.africanwildlifeconservationfund.org/donate/ (see attached).

Please use the reference 'OMTOM_Jess Watermeyer_Donation' and send me your proofs of payment so that I can keep track of any donations and, importantly, know who to thank.

Family, I realise contacts may overlap between myself and Laura so if you have already donated for her, no problem! 

Further, there are a few people (you know who you are) copied into this email who already support this event, and AWCF in general, tremendously and I ask no more of you. I have simply included you for interest sake.

Please feel free to forward this email to whomever you wish - the more people who get to know about AWCF and the work we do the better!

I have attached one more document which has a little bit more about wild dogs and AWCF for anyone interested.

Cheers for now, and as always, thank you for your support!

Jess

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Jess Watermeyer (MSc.)
Assistant Project Manager

African Wildlife Conservation Fund 
M: +27 76 825 0624 (South Africa)
M: +263 776 494 240 (Zimbabwe)
E: jesswatermeyer@gmail.com
E: jess@africanwildlifeconservationfund.org