Article on Depression

Here is an article I have drafted on depression for a local publication here in Harare. Feedback welcome.

My struggle with bipolar actually began in high school but in those days (back in the ‘90’s) it was not as readily diagnosed as it is now and my family doctor here in Harare kept saying there was nothing wrong with me and I must pull myself together. I consequently progressed through the rest of my teenage years and early twenties experiencing highs and lows, but telling myself I didn’t have depression. I did know that my dad had major mood swings and it was always there at the back of my mind that this might be hereditary.

A good school friend had to be hospitalized just after high school following a failed suicide attempt and visiting her in her private hospital room I saw what it was like to be put on medication and it scared me. She was very groggy and even on new pills seemed incredibly down. I told myself I would be fine and went off to university in South Africa and then Switzerland. The rocky period of 2008 in Zimbabwe was a trigger to setting me off on manic phases and I became paranoid and overly hyped on the news coming from Zimbabwe. Those around me noticed my erratic behavior and found me difficult to handle. I tried to quell these emotions and turbulence by simply taking rescue remedy but my moods were now soaring from extreme highs to devastating lows and I was suicidal more than once.

My breaking point was in Switzerland in 2010. I had embarked on an overly ambitious PhD and almost a year in I had a break down. I asked where I could go to get medical help and I was admitted to a hospital. Ultimately it was decided I should return home to Zimbabwe as I was not in a fit state to continue studying. My mum accompanied me on the flight home and I came back and was immediately admitted to another hospital. Whilst my psychiatrist in Zimbabwe was far more attentive to sorting out putting me on a right course of medication and monitored my progress more closely than in Switzerland, I found the nursing staff at the hospital I was in simply could not grasp what depression was. They kept asking me what was wrong with me, and seeing no physical ailment, could not understand why I was in hospital. This was not helpful and I feel there is a great need for this to be remedied. There is still so much stigma around mental health.

I am doing a lot better now and am finally on medication that seems to keep me on a much more even keel. It has taken eight years to reach this point and it is still a journey. Medication has made me put on a lot of weight and even on it, I still have my bad days. I would love to see the taboo around mental illness tackled and for people to be able to seek help more freely and not feel ashamed. It is important as it could help prevent suicides and build a healthier society all round. Zimbabweans are familiar with referring to October as “Suicide Month”. According to the World Health Rankings in 2014, Zimbabwe had the twentieth highest suicide rate in the world. In Shona the word closest to depression is kufungisisa meaning “to think too much”.

Things that have helped me

• ·      Seeking medical help and taking my medication
• ·      Keeping mood charts or in touch with how I am feeling
• ·      Journaling and blogging (a blog helps you tell people how you are feeling without forcing them to read it)
• ·      Finding others who also experience depression and sharing with them. I have started a Facebook group Unquiet Minds.
• ·      Telling myself that my really bad days are chemical imbalances and they too shall pass. Remind yourself there are better days ahead. Not always easy though.
• ·      Going for therapy or having friends that get you and hear you out without judgement.
• ·      Listening to feel good music, doing art or craft. Knitting is supposed to be good.
• ·      Doing some form of cardiovascular exercise.
• ·      Mindfulness, spirituality, meditation, grounding and breathing exercises.
• ·      Getting up and getting out of the house.
• ·      Getting enough sleep if you can and routine.
• ·      Having structure to your day.
• ·      Having a pet (they understand you and love you no matter what).

There are now more mental health facilities available in Harare and The Friendship Bench is a great option to help reach those who cannot afford to see a psychiatrist and therapist regularly. Places where people can go for help are The First Step, Phoenix Lodge, Halfway House and The Friendship Bench. There is also a private Facebook group called Unquiet Minds where fellow sufferers offer each other support and encouragement.

All go

Dropped our precious friends Ros and Nick at the airport yesterday. It was so special having them here in Zim with us again after about 27 years. They now head on to Cape Town and then to a mini world tour - very exciting. After having coffee with them at Cafe Espresso and seeing them through immigration, I went to pick up my soap stone sculpture at Chapungu Kraal. Then did a massive shop as I am having people round for a braai tonight. Interestingly Honeydew Fruit & Veg was cheaper than I think Arundel Pick'N'Pay would have been. I bumped into two people I know whilst shopping and caught up on their news - love that in Zim.

My Chinese five year old told me a joke yesterday about pandas wearing sunglasses - rather a cute idea. He was full of beans in his lesson and at one point wanted to interrupt what I was saying and so said, "Please stop talking now." I thought it was funny but did tell him to say excuse me instead in future. Suddenly had a lady come round to where I am house sitting with an Israeli business man to see if it would be suitable accommodation at the guest lodge for their visiting partners. Luckily the rooms were all made up. Ironically this morning when I was waiting for my mum to pick me up for school we found a stray beautiful Alsatian. We went up and down the road seeing if it belonged to anyone and were on the verge of taking it to the vet when we found it was this same lady from yesterday's. Shame, it was epileptic and I think it had got out and had a fit. Apparently it had been missing since yesterday.

This morning I taught two new girls beginners French. I had a lot of fun and they are really sweet girls. They had only learnt être at school though and had instead focused on French phonics - all right to a point but I think they need to know at least avoir to help make sense of things and say stuff. From there I went and had coffee with my dear friend Nina and her mum and watched her little girl discovering how fun a slide can be. We discussed the benefits of doing NILD over a masters in education for learning difficulties. Still weighing it up. NILD is much more practical and gives you tools but doesn't really help for autism and isn't a teaching qualification per se.

Frisbee, friends and the chocolate thieves strike again!

Yesterday ended up being quite busy. Besides the art therapist, only two other girls came for art therapy but it was a good session. We drew self care trees and wrote on things we should do for mental health. Got a few more ideas for the article I am writing for Ndeipi and we talked about organising to do podcasts on depression and maybe making a group blog for people to write on anonymously. The lady running the art therapy is a lovely lady called Sandy Ndoro. She offers therapy at the First Step.

I was online for my Chinese student but somehow we didn't immediately connect. As a result it was a little late for my poor five year old and he had a bit of melt down over his least favourite part of the lesson, reading. It turned into quite a temper rage and eventually his mum pulled him away from the screen and reappeared still trying to hold him, to say the lesson was over. He hasn't had a tantrum like that, at least when I was there, for quite some time. I think he was just tired though. Apparently he was going to have school today to make up for the three days of public holiday for the Qingming Festival (it seems a public holiday has to be made up for in China).

After my lesson I went to go watch a local ultimate frisbee tournament that a friend of mine had organised. It was a lot more energetic than I had imagined - I had sort of pictured it as a leisurely jog throwing a disc, but it involved some dramatic leaps and sprints. Not sure I would be up for it but it was fun to watch and photograph. I wasn't going to stay for the braai after as was supposed to be going to dinner with our friends from Aussie but I actually felt ill and spent the evening at home feeling nauseous, think it was something I ate yesterday morning. Felt better today but avoided rich food and milk.

Went to the Reps quiz this morning and we won thanks to the others knowing all the provinces in Zimbabwe and their capitals. I did know the composer for the ballet Romeo and Juliet, although my sister has just told me on Skype that Tchaikovsky's version is used by the Russians. My sister has also been showing me photos of spring in Swindon - all the beautiful daffodils and tulips. A friend gave me a collection of spices from Zanzibar. Will have to make some curries and have a dinner party.

We were having tea just now with our friends from Australia (it's their last night in Harare, has been wonderful having them here again). I suddenly heard this funny rustling sound coming down the corridor and went to investigate. Well, it was Lexi the dachshund dragging a plastic bag behind her. Little monkey, she had opened our friends' packed suitcase, pulled out the chocolate we had given them and was trying to make a run for it with it down the passage way. I had warned our friends the dachshunds have a nose for chocolate and will eat it. Luckily Lexi hadn't opened it up and it was fine. Did give us all a good chuckle.

Qing Ming or Tomb Sweeping Fest

Today has been busy. I walked to the local Jewish school, Sharon, as I thought a friend was giving a NILD therapy session there. In our plan on whatsapp we had failed to say where and I had just assumed she would be at Sharon but she was actually taking it in the home of her student which is where I used to house sit for Polish friends on the Ridge. So I walked home instead and saw my doggies who were delighted to see me and there was a flurry of tail wagging and licks. Sadly heard that a friend in Cape Town died this morning.

Went back to where I am house sitting and we FaceTimed with our Aussie friend's son in Perth and saw their grand doggie. I then did my Zoom lesson and showed my student some photos from Imire and the video of the elephant that thinks its a buffalo, Nzou. He was intrigued by this, as well he may be. He told me that today was a special day in China and his mum explained it is when families go and clean relatives' graves and enjoy the cherry blossom and prepare for spring. Since I had shown him photos from Imire, I told him he should send me a photo of cherry trees near where he lives. Just got an email with a photo and will ask him to tell me more about it tomorrow. He said he had also got a bag full of sand so I told him about Japanese zen gardens - well we googled (I can share my screen with him) and we saw some amazing mini ones and he is completely captivated with this idea and has grand plans on what he is going to do with his. I await to see what he has done tomorrow.

From zen gardens and Chinese festivals I went to do a revision lesson on the eye for IGCSE biology. I never quite know what my form four is going to want to go over when I have a lesson with him (it can be any of his nine O Level subjects). It is rather potluck and I have to just go with the flow. Then went to my Chinese ten year old for French and we worked hard at an A2 DELF past paper. He was not in a very cooperative mood, so I was very surprised when he asked me if I was coming tomorrow. I had forgotten I had suggested cookery and that he was keen for a Saturday lesson. Spoke to his mum, who was also under the impression I was coming tomorrow, and we agreed to focus on his DELF for the next week and then maybe do a cookery session in French as a reward after his exam in one of his regular lesson times. He really wants to learn how to cook chilli con carne of all things (not that French).

Stopped in Pick'N'Pay on the way home to get coffee for people coming to do art therapy here tomorrow morning for the depression support group. I was preoccupied and this seemingly young guy sidled up to me and I thought seemed to be trying to chat me up. I didn't recognise him and was taken aback when he suddenly said did I teach at the school I will be starting at next term. Just in time I realised he was one of the parents - ooops!! I am going to have to get used to this. I know the parents of my individual students that I tutor but am going to need to remember who the parents are of all of my 15 new students.

A loggalo and stripes

We had a super day out at Imire today. I had suggested we leave home at 7 am to get there for the arrival time of 9.30 but my mum as per norm was half an hour behind and we only got there at 10. Luckily there were other late comers too to join the safari vehicle. The alternative backend route through Wedza District was convoluted but I think it was a better road (well most of it) and the landmarks of bottle store names were spot on. Along the way we saw fields of cosmos amid the msasa woodlands and saw lots of mombes.

We had a much welcomed mug of filter Vumba coffee and then climbed aboard the trusty Imire safari truck. What a lot of things we saw and it was a stunning day weatherwise - we were lucky. Seeing nyala up close was a big highlight and then obviously seeing the two young rhino - one white and one black. Having worked at Imire for a year in 2014 it was nice to be back and I got to chat to the lodge owner at lunch. A lady from England came and joined us sitting on the rocks overlooking the dam and chatted as we viewed mother and daughter black rhino. Turned out the lady was from the same part of Norfolk as my mum and her friend Ros who is visiting. Even more specifically the lady knew Lord and Lady Roberts whom my gran used to work for in Cockley Cley. Small world and funny she hailed from the same spot in England. She also happened to have been an Olympic horse rider. Interesting.

The elephant that thinks it's a buffalo, not the loggalo (that was a log we thought was a buffalo) but an eleffalo.

Besides the big animals, the other things I enjoyed was the light on the different grasses, the clouds of all sorts of butterflies and we happened to see some amazing caterpillars (sorry Nina, I know you hate caterpillars) on the msasa trees. At the time I didn't get a photo but on our drive back out the game park on the way home we found them again and I got a photo. Never seen such big, fluorescent critters (they were more than finger length). Need to find out what butterfly they are for.

Have taken on teaching two form one girls French once a week during the holidays (just for the holidays). I don't get paid these holidays so I do actually need the extra income but as soon as our friends from Aussie go I must really knuckle down and plan for next term. I do at least have a better idea what I have to do though so it is a matter of putting it altogether (which I hope won't take me too long, but thank heavens the holidays are 6 weeks long). Tomorrow morning I am going to observe a friend doing NILD therapy. Still weighing up what I might do to qualify further and be better equipped for teaching learning difficulties.

I am still very stiff from Tuesday's pistol squats - climbing in and out of the game viewing vehicle was interesting and sitting down is painful. Man those were a killer!

Of turkeys and modern impressionists

Piece by Erin Hanson

Had my cathartic fix again this morning going to art at Sarah Fynn's. We had such fun! One of the art teachers from Chisi was there and she showed us a really cool technique where you use acrylic inks and cling wrap. You can play with leaves and possibly alcohol and soap bubbles but didn't do that today. Sarah also had copper dust you could dust on and it spread to a beautiful sheen. Was introduced to a book of paintings by a new American artist called Erin Hanson who is like a modern day Van Gough. She uses deep reds as a foundation to her oil paintings and her trees and clouds have such life. I worked on creating backdrops with cling film to work into and then Sarah presented us with random pictures to draw in.  I was given turkeys! Never drawn turkeys before.

Spot the turkeys - still in progress 

Another backdrop.  Might do insects, possibly a preying mantis.

Rushed home to teach online and discovered was also teaching my other Chinese student today too. My ten year old is keen for me to teach him cookery on Saturdays which surprised me as I didn't think he was always thrilled to see me,  but he said in all earnestness that he enjoys his lessons which was rather heartwarming and rewarding I must say. I don't know that after the holidays I am going to have time for Saturday cooking lessons sadly though. 

A friend has asked me to write an article for a local publication about my own experience of having depression and what it has been like having it in Zimbabwe and what has helped. I will have to give this some thought. There are now over a hundred people in my online support group and another person is keen to make podcasts for people suffering with things that help. Organising an art therapy session on Saturday. 

Went out to dinner to the Spice Lounge with our friends from Australia this evening. The food was delicious but ever so slightly hot - guess the restaurant lives up to its name. We had an interesting breath freshener called meetha afterwards. Tomorrow we're up early to head to Imire. Using a different route through Wedza as the normal road is not good apparently. The directions involve a lot of stores as landmarks. Here's hoping we find it. I am so stiff today from gym yesterday - it's the pistol squats. 

Good friends from a land down under

I started looking at term plans and curriculum this morning - I think I can do this, but it will require some time, thought and research. I also will need to go back into school to go back through the folders for the content subject (a bit of science, history and general knowledge). Could go in on Thursday but will be out at Imire.

Tutored my form four - we looked at themes in Macbeth such as kingship, the supernatural and blood. Then had a Chinese Zoom session. Was trying to get my five year old to read the word "all". He kept saying a-eleven! Fair enough, hadn't ever thought of it that way.

From there I went for personal training. We did things to strengthen my ankle which was good, although doing pistol squats to sitting and getting back up was jolly hard,  I won't lie.

Headed from there to the airport to pick up friends arriving from Aussie. They were originally from here but haven't been back in twenty years. They got very excited about familiar landmarks and having a cup of Tanganda tea. It is very special to see them again and have them here. Received news this afternoon too that one of my best varsity friends in Australia has just had a baby boy. Definitely want to try visit Oz at some point.