Here is an article I have drafted on depression for a local publication here in Harare. Feedback welcome.
My struggle with bipolar actually began in high school but
in those days (back in the ‘90’s) it was not as readily diagnosed as it is now
and my family doctor here in Harare kept saying there was nothing wrong with me
and I must pull myself together. I consequently progressed through the rest of
my teenage years and early twenties experiencing highs and lows, but telling
myself I didn’t have depression. I did know that my dad had major mood swings
and it was always there at the back of my mind that this might be hereditary.
A good school friend had to be hospitalized just after high
school following a failed suicide attempt and visiting her in her private
hospital room I saw what it was like to be put on medication and it scared me.
She was very groggy and even on new pills seemed incredibly down. I told myself
I would be fine and went off to university in South Africa and then
Switzerland. The rocky period of 2008 in Zimbabwe was a trigger to setting me
off on manic phases and I became paranoid and overly hyped on the news coming
from Zimbabwe. Those around me noticed my erratic behavior and found me
difficult to handle. I tried to quell these emotions and turbulence by simply
taking rescue remedy but my moods were now soaring from extreme highs to
devastating lows and I was suicidal more than once.
My breaking point was in Switzerland in 2010. I had embarked
on an overly ambitious PhD and almost a year in I had a break down. I asked
where I could go to get medical help and I was admitted to a hospital. Ultimately
it was decided I should return home to Zimbabwe as I was not in a fit state to
continue studying. My mum accompanied me on the flight home and I came back and
was immediately admitted to another hospital. Whilst my psychiatrist in
Zimbabwe was far more attentive to sorting out putting me on a right course of
medication and monitored my progress more closely than in Switzerland, I found
the nursing staff at the hospital I was in simply could not grasp what
depression was. They kept asking me what was wrong with me, and seeing no physical
ailment, could not understand why I was in hospital. This was not helpful and I
feel there is a great need for this to be remedied. There is still so much
stigma around mental health.
I am doing a lot better now and am finally on medication
that seems to keep me on a much more even keel. It has taken eight years to
reach this point and it is still a journey. Medication has made me put on a lot
of weight and even on it, I still have my bad days. I would love to see the
taboo around mental illness tackled and for people to be able to seek help more
freely and not feel ashamed. It is important as it could help prevent suicides
and build a healthier society all round. Zimbabweans are familiar with
referring to October as “Suicide Month”. According to the World Health Rankings
in 2014, Zimbabwe had the twentieth highest suicide rate in the world. In Shona
the word closest to depression is kufungisisa meaning “to think too much”.
Things that have helped me
- · Seeking medical help and taking my medication
- · Keeping mood charts or in touch with how I am feeling
- · Journaling and blogging (a blog helps you tell people how you are feeling without forcing them to read it)
- · Finding others who also experience depression and sharing with them. I have started a Facebook group Unquiet Minds.
- · Telling myself that my really bad days are chemical imbalances and they too shall pass. Remind yourself there are better days ahead. Not always easy though.
- · Going for therapy or having friends that get you and hear you out without judgement.
- · Listening to feel good music, doing art or craft. Knitting is supposed to be good.
- · Doing some form of cardiovascular exercise.
- · Mindfulness, spirituality, meditation, grounding and breathing exercises.
- · Getting up and getting out of the house.
- · Getting enough sleep if you can and routine.
- · Having structure to your day.
- · Having a pet (they understand you and love you no matter what).
There are now more mental health facilities available in
Harare and The Friendship Bench is a great option to help reach those who
cannot afford to see a psychiatrist and therapist regularly. Places where
people can go for help are The First Step, Phoenix Lodge, Halfway House and The
Friendship Bench. There is also a private Facebook group called Unquiet Minds
where fellow sufferers offer each other support and encouragement.
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