The last couple of weeks I've been feeling snowed under with work and commitments. I have been feeling depressed and at times slightly suicidal again. Two of my bosses are very demanding and just expect me to be at their beck and call at a moment's notice. The work I really enjoy doing is voluntary and so I have been having to do the other jobs first but have constantly been aware I have a number of things that need to get done pronto. Getting up in the morning has become harder and I've been struggling trying to see the point of it all.
At times like this I feel like I'm swimming under a layer of thick treacle and I'm struggling for each breath and the will to keep swimming. Just the simplest of things seem overwhelming and each day seems to just bring more worries and things I've got to deal with. A contributor to this is the uncertainty of what I will do once my one current job ends in December. Life seems precarious and I fret about it. I know I should just trust and try not to worry, but I do.
With these moods I don't really feel like seeing people at times and want to just pull away and sleep my life away. Dreams become vivid and at times I find it then hard to separate what is reality from what I have been dreaming. What I dream becomes entangled with my thoughts and worries and so it is hard to differentiate as it seems my brain doesn't stop working and it is just a continuum.
The one big comfort is spending time with my animals. Their unwavering affection and nonjudgmental love is always healing and time with them always leaves me feeling less stressed and anxious.
People have said that where I'm at lends itself to open opportunities and a new beginning. I have to just keep trusting and believing and looking at a variety of options of what I can do next.
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