A tad apprehensive

«Troubled soul don't lose your heart

'Cause joy and peace he brings

And the beauty that's in store

Outweighs the hurt of life's sting

I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings

There will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears

There will be a day when the burdens of this place,

Will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face

But until that day, we'll hold on to you always»

(Jeremy Camp, There will be a day)

I see my therapist at 4 today. It's the first time I've seen her in close on a year as haven't needed to. We will be discussing what transpired a week ago when I got really angry and was locked out by my family. My mum said some very hurtful things that I probably need to process. I think she sees my dad in me when I get that angry and it scares her. My psychiatrist is away and has a locum. I might try go see my previous doctor as she knows my family history and my triggers well. So yah, quite a lot to work through today. I am doing ok now but am a teeny bit manic and a tad ultra sensitive to comments people pass. My friend Sharon wants to film this afternoon. It could be interesting.

I really enjoyed the exhibition Panacea yesterday at Sorellas. Go along if you can, it's worth seeing. Tanyse Van Vuuren, one of the exhibiting artists had written a beautiful piece on emotional expression. I quote her "As humans we often shy away or are unsure of how to identify and deal with or process negative emotions. They are uncomfortable and at times too painful to feel - but our very healing is in finding the freedom to identify the spectrum of emotions, to dignify every human emotion and give expression to them somehow. ... Emotions, I have learned are our helpers - they help us identify with one another in our humanity, and they will, if we engage with the process, help us to feel our way to them and through them into a new way of thinking and being."

My step-mum in England messaged me this morning to say she gathers my dad is planning on moving back to Zim. This is not good news to me I'm afraid as Harare is such a small place I am likely to encounter him and have to deal with him. He still doesn't take medication for bipolar and is extremely erratic. I message my dad on whatsapp but am happy to only interact in this way. I am not sure I am ready for him to be a bigger presence in my life again, sad as it sounds.

Today is my sister and brother-in-law's last day in Zim. I think they have enjoyed it even though they didn't in the end manage to really get out of Harare. We happened to ask to my brother-in-law if he would consider visiting again and he immediately answered no - I think he was joking but am not sure :P He definitely has found it a culture shock being here and taking in the decay of infrastructure and services but am hoping Zim may have soaked into him and he did enjoy his time nonetheless. They definitely have had better weather here than back home although they did miss the snow. I have been looking back at some of my photos from my time in Switzerland and my experiences in the snow. I made some good memories and friends there.