Morning pages

I wrote the following this morning at the creative arts group I belong to, which is currently working through the book "The Artist's Way". We had been told to collect images of things that we dream of and make an image file. From my pictures I wrote the following:

National Geographic attracted me and its images of photography, conservation and travel. This is what I dream of doing. A first step would be to get a decent camera to play with. Over the past week the idea of doing photo-journalism has become more and more appealing. I'd like to tell stories with photos and bring in an environmental element.

I'd like to go to remote, beautiful places but not for long lonely periods. I'd like to travel with work and see new places and really experience them. I'd like to meet new and interesting people along the way. I also taking a new delight in gardening with the breaking forth of summer. All the colours and bird song inspire me. I hope to make our garden at home more textured and interesting, particularly with succulents to conserve water. I love the different hues of the jacarandas, the pride of India and the roses though, even if they are all exotics.

Last night's home group discussion challenged me. We started a series on making and becoming disciples and we are following the Multiply literature on this. http://www.multiplymovement.com/ It scared me a little and made me realise I just call myself a Christian, but I'm not sure if I really follow Christ and if His ways are my ways. I get depressed and when I do I turn from faith and become super critical. I haven't been reading my bible for a while and have been in a dry and semi-dark place. This place doesn't see the point to life and what I'm supposed to do. Hopefully with this new challenge of what it really means to be a Christian and a re-think on what God's plan is for me, I will find a new purpose and grow. It will show me there is more to me being here than I think, and create a role and objectives for me to achieve.

The fact that I'm supposed to not only be a disciple, but also make disciples is a scary thought though.