Recovering a sense of abundance

Hosted our fortnightly creative group this morning and we delved into the chapter in the book "The Artist's Way" titled "Recovering a sense of abundance". It challenges me to give myself more time to do creative things. It is so easy to let work take over completely and to feel guilty when not working. Like others in the group I also need to get a balance. Tomorrow I have an invitation to go see the headmaster of one of the high schools in Harare possibly for a job teaching there. Am not sure if they have an actual vacancy or if it is just to discuss possibilities. I am trying to see if I can get anywhere with some other links to try stay in the environmental side. I don't know that I want to necessarily teach full time as I have mentioned before. I've still got to decide what I really want to do but the meeting this week on Harare's water crisis has reminded me that wetlands and water issues are really my passion. The issue of lack of water provision in Harare is a major problem and is something I would like to work on.

Went to visit my friend in hospital again today. It is the same clinic I've been admitted to once when I took an overdose of my sleeping tablets. I can't really remember much or how I got to the clinic after I took the tablets. I remember feeling helpless and thinking that taking my tablets all at one go was a way out. I can't recall much from after that. My Mum says I was ill on the way to the clinic and luckily got rid of all the pills that way. I just remember eventually waking up the next morning in a hospital.

That was the last time I've seriously tried to commit suicide. With the stress from my job recently I have had the odd fleeting contemplation when it all seemed overwhelming. The responsibility of my different commitments has prevented me and the thought of what it would do to my Mum. I eventually have managed to separate myself a bit from my work stress and to take a step back and see getting that stressed is just not worth it. I need things to be responsible for but they can weigh me down. It does make me put ending it all at bay though and make me consider things more.

With the chapter on recovering abundance, we discussed balancing work with play and use of time. I really need structure to my day and a reason to get up in the morning. Even if I have loads of time to possibly be creative I need to have a purpose for doing it and it needs to be for a given time. I haven't had time to paint as much as I'd like to. Getting a bit more time to do so is going to need a bit of work to keep me in balance and to give me an income. Still got to work this all out.