Musings

I am feeling a bit disenchanted with statistics and disillusioned at how easy it is to change them and yet science places so much stock in them. I am feeling a pull towards the arts at the moment and less of an affinity to science. Today with my therapist I talked about how I make decisions and what guides me. A friend in Switzerland asked me a week ago to describe what kind of boat or ship I see myself as. She said, "If you like, you can write a few sentence and the title of the story is "I am a boat". I can't explain you more for the moment, but will give you after that some keys which you will understand (and I probably not, because it is your story)."

In response I wrote: If I were a boat I think I would be a little rowing boat, not a new flashy one but an older weather beaten one with the pain peeling but still used. I would be used for rowing on a lake and can fit about 6 people in it. At times people like to just sit in it and enjoy the view.

My friend's interpretation of what I wrote was this:

Rowing boat, that means, that it is by your own strength that you make things move. (Sailing boat means to be moved by circumstances, influence from outside). You are a "just do it" person. You decide it, you do it.

You think, you are a little rowing boat... but 6 people can fit in it - that means not that little. 

Do this people help to row or what are they doing?

Seems you like to work / undertake things in groups of about 6 people. You are relational.

Important that you not only row, but take time to just sit and enjoy the view - and if possible with friends. 

That's a beautiful work life balance. :-)

You are not new flashy, but life has been left it's marks... BUT you are still useful for what it was made for :-)

And the boat is in the lake, which is appropriate to it's size. So it does well know it's limits. 

I think you are a very beautiful boat and I can see your heart in it.

Other questions could be:

- When is this boat the most happy?

- Whom does this boat fear?

- Who fears that boat?

and as a final question:

Do I need to change something on my boat? And if so what? - And what does this mean for my own life?

 

Can you see a little bit of you in this? And for work it is good for you to know, that you can work independently, even though you love being in a group of approx 6 people. You are useful (want to have a purpose, not just look good). Important to have the balance between roawing (work) and relaxing and enjoying the view. Lake might stand for national (? I don't know about that one)

 

It is funny that she sees that as a rowing boat I decide where I am going. A lot of the time it doesn't feel like I do but I guess I take a long time over decisions when the decision is in my hands and I like to feel that I'm in control. With my relationship with my Mum and living back home again I don't feel like I'm neccessarily the one making the decisions. Also with work I don't always feel I'm doing what I really want to be. However some of my life choices have led me to where I am currently. I am not sure if I can make that many changes to my circumstances. The biggest way to change would be to leave Zim again. This is an option I always play with but whether it will happen is the question and whether it will be my own decision and my own choice is the question. My support network is strong here but in some ways for different things it feels my choices and opportunities here are limited.

 

Deciding what I really really want to do is a big issue. I may try go see a life coach and see her insights into what I'm best suited to doing. The problem is finding the job that meets my expectations, passions, qualifications and which at the end of the day gives me a liveable income, fulfillment and that I can get up for everyday feeling motivated for. Guess I have high expectations and am fussy.