A friend of mine who also suffers from bipolar depression has been re-admitted to hospital again. My heart goes out to her as I have been there and have recently felt the twinges of not coping and feeling life is just too hard. I hope I can be the friend to her that she has been to me and I can help her climb back up from the pit of despair. How much one is able to do this for someone else and how much they themselves have to overcome is hard to tell. I know in my own experience it helped to know I wasn't alone and friends who had depression themselves were the easiest to be with as you knew they had been where you were and wouldn't judge you. Each person's struggles though are different and even having bipolar doesn't make you privy to all that the other person experiences or what is causing their sense of worthlessness or self-hate.
Today as well an acquaintance at church who seems to also have mental health challenges said they didn't feel they needed to take medication. I admit that yesterday I had forgotten to take mine and the thought of just not taking it does sometimes go through my mind. I guess I see though that if I mess up my brain chemistry by just suddenly going cold turkey I'm going to do more harm and set myself further back. It therefore doesn't become a major stumbling block for me. I don't know this other person's history or condition but was trying to say that if they needed to be on meds they should try stay on them.
The thought of having a major bout of depression again or worse a psychotic episode does perturb me. I also don't know yet how I will cope one day without my Mum. That does scare me as I still am semi-dependent not only financially but for support on her. I know I once was an independent person and I was able to cope. Life in Zim seems harder some how and I think not having a full time, decent paying job doesn't help. I'm still thrashing out what I really want to do. The more artistic, creative side of me is feeling it wants to be used more but just how and how to make a living out of it is the question. Writing appeals, I am going to try maybe see if any local magazines or newspapers want articles.
Well that's my day's musings. Will be more soon no doubt.
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