I am no longer allowed to blog about school, even though I haven't given the name of the school or the children's names. In a way it feels like they would also I rather didn't blog at all but blogging is what keeps me sane and allows me to express stuff I just can't say.
The medication is beginning to set in and I just feel numb and a zombie. Have to just put one heavy foot in front of the other and somehow drag myself along. It feels like I have lost the will to live now though and nothing excites me or is something to look forward to. I am still teetering on suicide and given an opportunity I may well down pills.
My mum has put off going this weekend. She will go the next week. A teacher at school yesterday said I should just go with her but I can't. At least my therapist Rona will be back next week but it is those dark moments at night and when I just am scraping my heart off the floor. My therapist said at least I am getting out of bed and going to work. The old Katy would not have managed that. But it is still incredibly hard, my ray of sunshine has gone and I am left with the dark, cold reality.
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