It's at this time in the evening when it gets really hard

Today was good in some ways. I saw friends and talked about other things and kept busy. Therapy though was brutal and I was forced to try see that my relationship is really over and face life without Matt. I just can't. We talked about how I manage this and the pain. When it gets to this time in the evening I really struggle and have thoughts of self harm. My therapist said this is my way of trying to make my emotional pain physical and my coping mechanism that needs to be broken. I think of cutting myself and it is all that I can do to not do this. Being in someone else's house does put some responsibility on me and prevents me to an extent but the urge is strong.

Rona, my therapist, said in some ways I have come a long way in how I deal with pain but it doesn't feel like it. She said I have to look for the hope. It is really hard to see any now that my sunshine has gone. People say it gets easier. Well it is bloody hard right now and I am struggling. I have never felt such pain.

This song speaks to me, but it doesn't feel well with my soul. I am floundering.