Not too bad a Monday, second last before school

I was going to head over to school this morning, but the deputy head messaged to say the carpet cleaners were in, so I decided to work from home. Managed to finish my fourteen week plan and have my plan for next week. Now just got to prepare my materials and do a spot more photocopying (man it chews up trees).

Went in to the bank to try get some help with a problem on internet banking. People kept jumping the queue which was really irritating but eventually got served, only to be told the system was down. Found out where I was going wrong at least and managed to do the transaction at home. You sit there listening to the coins being counted (that is how your money if you are lucky is dispensed). Reminds me of the money changers in biblical times. My queue wasn't nearly as long as the one where people were trying to get cash.

Took my A level biology student at lunchtime. I am really enjoying getting back to biology and my pupil asks some good questions. Find that an hour of A level bio goes a lot quicker than my other hours of teaching. We have nearly finish biochem and will then go on to enzymes. Got home to an all too familiar smell of dead rat. I think there is another one in the pantry but I can't find it yet. From my last house sitting job where there was a dead rat, it turned out the smell was coming from one of the cushions on the bed, where the dead creature had taken refuge and then died. Hope I find this new dead rodent soon.

Had choir this evening, which was fun. Knew some of the songs better but struggled with the O Magnum Mysterium by M. Lauridsen. It is quite a complex piece. I won't be singing in the concerts but thinking of going either to the one at St George's in the Loyola Hall, or the one at Chapman Golf Course. The one lady said to me that if I join the choir I will bring the average age down quite a bit. They will also go sing at old age homes, a bit like what the UCT choir did when I was in it. There is also a tea break mid practice, also reminiscent of UCT choir days.

Zimbabwean times

Had friends over for lunch yesterday and one friend had just left when her mum phoned me frantic as another friend had just been abducted and my friend's mum didn't know where her daughter was. The irony was I had invited the friend who had been abducted to lunch too but she had said she was running a workshop and couldn't come. She was abducted in Greystone Park and was missing for several hours before she was found at Harare Central with three others who had also been abducted. Thankfully her dad and sister are good lawyers and they managed to get everyone released last night but Doug Coltart has been called in for questioning this morning. All a bit scary and reminds you of where we live and restraints on freedom. Very glad my friend was found, but some of them were apparently beaten and they were all interrogated for several hours. Scary.

On a happier note, I opened the pantry door this morning and had a mild heart attack as there was a dead rat in front of me. I don't know how it died but it is dead and means I don't have to get a rat trap. Not sure if Maria the house keeper poisoned it. I managed to scoop it up in the dust pan and bury it outside. Hoorah!

Getting ready for next term and I think I have a rat

Had a fairly quiet Easter with my mum and friend Mags out from England. On Friday I went with my friend Cara to their commemoration of Christ's death and had dinner with them afterwards. Started back to things from yesterday with an AS level biology lesson. Dug out notes and things and we went over cell morphology and functions. Will go back into school for the first time tomorrow and touch base with the head.

Took a bit of offence at the message on Easter Sunday at the church I am visiting, when they referred to Mary Magdalene as a "mental case" and said people wouldn't have believed her because of this. I thought it was a bit insulting. The person who gave the message just phoned as a follow up to me visiting and I said as someone with bipolar I didn't really appreciate what was said. They did apologise.

Still not managing to get the chickens into the coop but they are a little less jittery. I think there is a rat in the pantry though. The main thing I am worried about is it eating the chicken feed.

Nyangaring, herding chickens and burning the house down

The trip to Nyanga over the weekend overall did me good. Went on lots of long walks, painted using my easel Matt made me and climbed Eagle's Nest. We also eventually found the dairy and had fresh scones with dairy cream (although my friend Ioana was alarmed that the dairy doesn't pasteurise their milk and told me about some of the diseases you can get, eeek). It did bring back memories of my last trip with Matt and I cried a little.

We passed through two "educational" police road blocks. They basically stopped us, asked if we knew how to drive safely and then said we could proceed. A bit pointless. Also noticed that the ED presidential campaign bill boards are being torn down. I think intentionally. We stopped at Halfway House midway and found the loos had been upgraded and my friend Cara's folks are doing a great job at turning it around and trying to get it back to what it once was. Definitely worth stopping.

Nosi who came with us is also a former Convent girl. She is blind but bravely came up Eagle's Nest with us which I found very humbling and I greatly admired how much trust she had in us to get her up and down. She very sweetly said that when she gets to heaven she will ask God to see my paintings.

Got back to immediately start my next house sitting gig. This particular job involves looking after chickens. I must say, I think I prefer dogs and cats. Chickens are hard work in some ways. Trying to get them into their coop last night just didn't happen. So far I have only spotted two in the garden this morning. Really hope number three is somewhere around. Otherwise I will just have to buy another one.

Met up with my special friend Pippa at Aroma this morning. Was lovely to see her again, but sadly had to cut things short as I got a frantic message from our next door neighbour saying she couldn't get hold of my mum and our gardner said something was burning in the kitchen. Thank God today is the day Given works at our house and not somewhere else. I had to hot foot it home and managed to get the burning pot outside and switch off the stove. It really could have burnt the house down though if it had been left. I think I still smell of smoke, but just so grateful to our neighbour, our gardner and another friend Vee for getting hold of me.

Hoping to see another friend, Suba, who is also out from England this afternoon. She is currently in a petrol queue. We nearly forgot our jerry can in Nyanga with an extra 20 litres in it. Thank goodness we didn't as we needed it on the way home. We did forget to take tea with us for the weekend - longest I have ever gone without a cuppa. Ooops.

Am doing better tonight

Well I went round to where I am house sitting from Tuesday to discover the cat I was supposed to be looking after is very sadly no longer. He had to be put to sleep yesterday, which is all rather sad. I am still required for the chickens however. I think I would rather a cat in many ways but there we go. I have to put the chickens to bed every night and talk nicely to them to get them in the coop with a bit of tempting with feed. I have never had to look after chickens, but there is a first time for everything I guess. Not signing up to look after a house snake - just putting that out there.

On better terms with Matt which makes me feel a lot better and lifted some of the weight of this last week. I am not getting my hopes up about anything but I think I will sleep better tonight and I am not weeping like last night.

Saw my psychiatrist - an hour and a half wait - better than the last time of three hours. He says my lithium is causing my hand tremors and the shaking in my legs when I squat - I thought it was my personal training causing the legs but he said no, I need to decrease my lithium dose. I read an article yesterday on BBC about a 35 year old having Parkinson's and it made me a tad worried. I know my gran developed it from the medication she was on. My hand trembling comes and goes. There are days when holding a cup of tea is difficult and I struggle not to spill it.

Off to Nyanga with three others at 10.30 tomorrow. Will try stop at Halfway House - my friend and personal trainer, Cara's parents have done it up and are trying to make it a nice place to pass by en route to the Eastern Highlands. Back in the day it was, but it has fallen a bit to wrack and ruin since then. I remember they used to do amazing Cornish pasties and had a really interesting antique shop. I also remember the homemade marshmallows and sugar mice that were beautifully crafted and delicious. The marshmallows especially over a fire in Nyanga - yum!!!

Drizzling with a tinge of melancholy

I had a good skype session with the students in China. One of them had no idea what a pangolin is. They still want stats on poaching. Have emailed WWF back again to try at least get rhino figures, but this may be sensitive information that they can't really divulge. My letter sits with the Director General of National Park's secretary. A friend joked I might have the CIO after me - um, yah, I might. Have sent the students articles on pangolins and an infographic. Need to try get this information across to my other Chinese student who said he has eaten a pangolin.

Went home and got my art stuff for Nyanga together. My dogs found my easel and basket of oil paint very interesting but they weren't happy when they saw a suitcase. Had coffee with a friend in Chisi at her lovely new digs. I actually know her landlady who popped past from quiz. Did a last shop for tomorrow's trip. Had to put a melon back though as they wanted $30!!! My word.

Going to see the person I am house sitting for next, just now, then have a 5 pm appointment to see Dr Mangezi. I am still not feeling very strong today and the weather being overcast doesn't help.

I weep to Saint-Saëns

I sit watching the cello being plucked and my mind drifts off. Suddenly I am weeping and just can't stop. Today has been hard. Re-examining how you have just cut me off. I know nothing of you, but you follow me online as I pour myself out. Or have you unfollowed, I know not.

Nyanga looms, it will be a blessing and a curse. So much of it will remind me of you. But escape I must and I need to create new memories of my own. But oh, my heart is sore. I am not ready to end, not wanting this, it is your wish, your wish alone. And I must bow and let my heart inwardly bleed, a death to what I thought was happiness to what has given way to agony. I did not know the heart could heart so.

Where to from here?

I forgot I was supposed to be checking in on an elderly dog in Monavale, but went this morning and he seemed fine. Then went to Dandaro and met such a sweet elderly couple who have turned their garage into a framing centre. The frames are a bit more rustic but will work AND ... it costs half of what I have been quoted, so I can get two paintings done for the price of one, and I feel really happy to give them the work. Made my heart happy.

Went on to my therapist and discussed what happened with Matt last week. She agrees that his term "casual friends" is not a friend and agrees that I gave him the opportunity to say how he really felt, which he just has not been saying. It hurts horribly, but maybe it is better than not knowing. Still wasn't easy and Rona made me say to myself, I will get through this. She thinks I am stronger than the person I was when I first came to her after Switzerland. I still feel wobbly though. Next week I am doing a session with her with my mum to try work on some things in my relationship with my mum. That's also going to be hard. I haven't forgiven her still for locking me out just before new year, a year ago.

This afternoon I have gym (hope no burpees :P ). Going to a concert at Arundel this evening. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow (forgot I was supposed to see him last week Monday, ooops). I've just bought a painting of cosmos by Karen Seager. Love how she applies her oil paint in it. First time I have invested in a major painting. Eating lunch now and about to zoom with my Chinese student from Aroma Caffe. My former student's mum, who owns Aroma, says my student starts chef school next week and has to prepare a meal from home for it in Sardinia. Excited for him.

Regret

I regret the way things ended,
with so much left unsaid.
I was distracted by the thoughts
racing through my head.
That was the other side of me,
a part you hadn't seen,
but it was important you still loved me
and waited until I could see.
I felt we could have argued
but tried to regain ground.
Mended broken pieces,
not cut it off as lost.
I was still willing but you decided not.
Now I have to handle your decision
that wasn't what I want.

Today I make mousakka and lists

Still feeling a deep seated hurt but trying to keep my mind occupied. Have a friend coming round just now for coffee and to give her stuff from her ex in Cape Town. Then going for coffee at Veldemeer's with another friend. Need to do grocery shopping for Nyanga - I am going to make and freeze a mousakka to take to Nyanga at the weekend. Also have to go past National Parks again with the printed official letter requesting data on poaching from the school in China (I have a Skype conference with the students Friday morning at 7 am). Then need to pass by home and show our gardner where I want my new plants to go and get some stuff. My mum is picking me up to go see Mrs Sternslow this afternoon. So I should be busy, hopefully the melancholy will lift. If not maybe I should do some more burpees - but I am stiff today, I won't lie.

Reading an assortment of books. The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman (enjoying it so far, like his writing style), Scars on the Soul by Françoise Sagan and then Healing and the Mind by Bill Moyers. Kind of go with my mood. I might have a junior school child to tutor over the holidays. Will be good to be busier and also earn a bit more.

Today has been slightly tearful with a touch of rain

Basically think I wasn't busy enough today and going to St George's for choir last night unhinged me a bit. I hope I don't get like this in Nyanga. It has also been overcast with some rain (we d.e.s.p.e.r.a.t.e.l.y need the rain but cloudy days make me low). Cara gave me a hard work out though. She did it with me again which made me really push (especially on the 30 burpees - my word!) We finished a bit early but I really couldn't have done more. My legs are still shaking slightly from last week's gruelling session - when I squat at all - you actually do more than you think. The end result though is an endorphin boost so I do feel a bit better and will try do some art tonight.

I went to Wechi this morning after dropping off Deborah. Well first I had a cup of coffee and an almond croissant at Aroma Caffe (owned by the parents of my former Sardinian student who is now at chef school in Italy). Yes, my exercise was working that off later, and yes I am kind of defeating it but I needed chocolate, but I should try not to make it a daily thing. Back to Wechi though, their prices were in US and then rate of the day for bond (today at 4:1). Calculating the relative cost for The Picture Frame (they want half in US dollars), Wechi still comes out cheaper and if the rate of the day were to go down it would be even more reasonable. They also offered to just mount some pieces nicely which is A LOT cheaper than framing. For Wild Geese they did point out that the person buying might not like your frame. I can technically mount things myself, but they do it so much more professionally. But after all of this I think working in a framing shop must be a lot of fun. They had some pieces that had just been framed by Tami Walker (a photographic artist). They were stunning. She gets stuff printed in South Africa and then framed at Wechi. Her work is beautiful.

Popped home to get my gym gear and see my dogs. It promptly started pouring with rain. Then just had training. Am going to try one other person who does framing who is based at Dandaro and then make my decision but leaning towards Wechi. For Wild Geese I want to print a couple of photos on either canvas or wooden blocks. Focal Point do both but will also try PrintWorks and then maybe Strachans (the only problem is they are in town). Checked the date for Wild Geese - it is the first weekend of June, so a bit of time, but I need to get organised before school resumes in the first week of May.

You are there

My mind carries you with me
to so many different things.
You're there in the articles
that flash across my screen.
When I see other couples
celebrating their love.
When I pass places
where we have memories shared.
You will be there in Nyanga,
off fishing at the dawn.
You are at St Georges
in the grounds and great halls.
I want to share things with you,
kiss you once again.
But your lips are now cold to me
and you have effectively moved on.

Singing but also grieving

Today was a less frenetic day. I did another search with Evermore the house keeper where I am house sitting, to try find the dratted rat but still no joy, even though the smell is ever so pungent. I went home for a bit and romped round the garden with my dogs (they really would find the offending rat very easily - they are very good at that, but getting them across here might be a tad chaotic). I sifted through some of my art work and picked out pieces I wouldn't mind framing. Found some pieces I had forgotten about and think I was in my prime when I did A Level and then art at Gallery Delta with Helen Lieros. Couple of pieces from later on under Peter Birch (he taught me oils) and then Sarah Fynn (she taught me how to have fun with abstraction and mixed media).

I went and picked up some canvases to take to Nyanga at the weekend and then went to try get info from National Parks on estimates on how many animals were poached in Zimbabwe last year. I am supposed to speak to teenagers in China this week on Skype and they asked for this information. Well I got shunted from one person to another at Parks as they were reluctant to divulge this. I know it is pretty broad and probably wouldn't cover the small organisms but at least for elephants, rhinos and pangolins, I thought they might have some idea. I ended up with someone in the Director General's office and she said I have to have an official letter with the school's letter head and explain exactly what I want this information for and the Director General may or may not consider offering data. I had contacted The Zambezi Society and Tikki Hywood Trust and they both suggested contacting Parks directly. Seems like very delicate stats.

After this I went to The Picture Frame on Churchill and got some quotes for framing - gulp, they were pretty expensive and I felt a bit intimidated and abash showing my art work. I am going to try get quotes from two other sources and compare. At this rate I might only frame one or two paintings a year and scrimp and save in between.

Had time to kill at St George's before choir started. This turned out to be not such a good thing. Being there reminded me a lot of Matt and going to mass there. I got a bit tearful and almost decided to just go home. Saw a school friend though and went to choir practice. They are rehearsing for concerts in about three weeks' time. I could possibly pick it up but the choir mistress said she only wants me to sing in it if I am 100% confident. I forgot I will be in Nyanga next Monday so I think I should opt out of the concert but the music they are singing is good and the conductor gives good technique tips. She said at one point to imagine you're in a magnificent cathedral and you are going to fill every space with harmony. I shared music with a lady who turned out to be an old family friend from when my mum and aunt lived in what was Umtali, now Mutare.

Singing this version of The Prayer.

Also singing the Nun's Chorus, which will forever remind me of singing with Miss Capelluto.

Will see what tomorrow holds. I have to take the lady downstairs in the flats I'm house sitting in to the airport first thing, then might go get framing quotes from Wechi and I have personal training - feeling my quads and hamstrings from last week still.

A good Sunday - keeping busy

Went to watch The Favourite yesterday. Didn't realise it was not 2 but actually 3 jolly hours long - goodness me! I missed the birthday party. I can't say I would rave about it. It was pretty dark - the rabbits ... and other things. Olivia Colman did act well but it left a sour taste in my mouth and one of the incidents I really don't think was historical. Having said that I want to join The Film Society.

This morning I went to Harvest Church with my friend Di. I think I may have found where I would like to go (Warren it was a bit Christchurch Kenilworth-ish). They didn't put pressure on us as new comers and I actually knew quite a few people which was nice. The person who preached had an almost Trevor Noah sense of humour (I loved it. Incidentally I have just discovered Trevor Noah is on Netflix - awesome). In the notices a ladies' retreat was announced at the Hideaway and the cost was given in US dollars. He said it will be at rate of the day for other payments - whatever that will be then. He then dived into the topic for the coming weeks up to Easter of The Road to Golgotha. He said it was to get a more real meaning of the crucifixion and redemption. Easter is not about Easter eggs - which in Zimbabwe are now flipping expensive any way, so we won't be eating many.

51 When the days drew near for him to be taken up, he set his face to go to Jerusalem. 52 And he sent messengers ahead of him, who went and entered a village of the Samaritans, to make preparations for him. 53 But the people did not receive him, because his face was set toward Jerusalem. 54 And when his disciples James and John saw it, they said, “Lord, do you want us to tell fire to come down from heaven and consume them?”[e] 55 But he turned and rebuked them.[f] 56 And they went on to another village.

⁵⁷ As they were going along the road, someone said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.”⁵⁸ And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.” ⁵⁹ To another he said, “Follow me.” But he said, “Lord, let me first go and bury my father.” ⁶⁰ And Jesus^[g] said to him, “Leave the dead to bury their own dead. But as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” ⁶¹ Yet another said, “I will follow you, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home.” ⁶² Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.”

Today's message was on Jesus setting his face towards the cross (Luke 9 vs 51-62). It also was on how we set our sight on heaven, where there are no more sorrows, shame and sickness. How we all have a personal journey to Golgotha in which we die to self and crucify things that are holding us back. We get comfort, peace and rest when we are in God's presence. It all spoke to me.

At the end of the service a friend invited me to join them and some others to go to Nyanga next weekend. Have managed to sort out for my mum to cover the night I am still house sitting. Will take my easel and canvases and go paint for Wild Geese. Not sure if oil or acrylic. Will see. It will be lovely to get away again.

I went to Reps for the quiz but joined a new team. We didn't do too badly and it was fun being with theatre people and one of my high school teachers and her daughter. Watched the tribute to Queen put on by Dance Avenue. It was excellent and there were definite Freddy Mercury-isms. The dancing made me nostalgic and remember when I used to be able to do some of those moves (some, not all). It was only an hour but a really great feel good show. Saw a colleague from work which was nice and she said they had missed me - aw! I miss them too and my students.

Just got back from going to see my high school English teacher. It was lovely to see her up and sitting in a chair today. She was more alert and able to follow what we said and had a bit of her naughty twinkle back in her eyes. We took her some chocolate and her face just lit up. I am still working on her arum lily picture.

Will be skyping friends in Germany just now and then possibly my sister. Need to think what I am going to do this week to keep busy. I should have a staff meeting and may go out to Tiri Vanhu (the mental rehabilitation home in Ruwa) with a friend. Otherwise might try go home and keep clearing stuff to make more space.

What I see as church ministry

My homework for christian counselling is to define what I see as ministry I have received. To be honest I really battled with what ministry means. I looked it up and this is what Wikipedia had to say:

"In Christianity, ministry is an activity carried out by Christians to express or spread their faith, the prototype being the Great Commission. ... Some ministries are identified formally as such, and some are not; some ministry is directed towards members of the church, and some towards non-members."

I guess this relates to doctrine and teaching I have been given. Until the age of 18, I was brought up Catholic. There were fundamentals like communion and the Trinity. We were taught though that our sins were forgiven when we went to confession and that you were baptised as a baby. There were things I questioned as a teenager and as a result I didn't do confirmation as I didn't feel ready. I really started rebelling against dogma when I was 19 and went to a friend's youth group, The Arena. At first I found it too happy clappy and wasn't convinced by the altar calls and found the intensity of worship off putting. I did sense something bigger and more intimate though in their relation to God and this did draw me in. Henry Olonga, the famous Zimbabwean cricketer, spoke at one service and his call to repent was compelling and I did go up for the altar call. I didn't feel any different afterwards but I did feel I needed to change things in my life. I became much more active in the youth group, painting banners and doing art work and I went on a camp where I started praying in tongues. Again I was a teeny bit skeptical about this.

After my year doing the Commercial course at Convent, when I was involved at the Arena, I went to university in Cape Town at UCT. Well I think it was slightly serendipitous that in the Orientation Week when various churches came to our residence hall I thought I was speaking to someone who was linked to a church affiliated to the church back home, but it turned out it was a different church - Church on Main, and I went to the wrong home group meeting. I made some of my best friends of all time in that church and they carried me through my time at university. I did various evening courses on theology and got quite a firm grounding in church doctrine which was biblically based. Oh I actually did feel guilty about not going to the church affiliated to the Arena in Cape Town at first and was going to two meetings on a Sunday and went to Bible school with His People for one semester but I was burning myself out with it and decided to stick with Church on Main. I'm sure His People is just as good a church but it wasn't for me at the time.

In one of Zimbabwe's worst years - 2007, I came up to Zim with Church on Main people on an outreach (it did feel weird outreaching to people in my own country). I connected then with what was Gateway to the Nations, but is now The Base Church and it opened doors for when I came back to Zim in 2009. I came home at the end of my studies in Cape Town and plugged in to The Base Church doing kids ministry, art and choir. It was initially brief as I went to Switzerland where I went to C3 Lausanne, but when I came back from Switzerland permanently I rejoined.

I think the greatest ministry I have received is not necessarily from what the pastors or priests said, but when individual members of the church reached out to me in my times of need and came along side me, encouraged me and helped me carry on with words of wisdom, encouragement and prophecy. These have been what have most meaningfully spoken to me, louder than anything ever said from a pulpit.

I will confess I drifted away from church the last couple of years. I felt my depression was seen as an overly spiritualised condition in the church and not as the biological abnormality I see it as, as a scientist. I also find the longer you are out of church, the harder it is to go back as you just feel so judged. I do know it is your own thoughts that tell you that but it can feel that way. When I was dating Matt I went to St Georges for mass. I did find the homilies a bit empty but the tradition and community was a comfort and less judgemental. Tomorrow I am going to try go to another more charismatic church with a friend who is also searching for a new church. I just hope they don't overwhelm us as new comers.

Keeping busy - my biggest coping strategy

This weekend is going to be very busy, I actually won't have much time on my hands at all, but from days of Dr Chagwedera and sessions with Rona, this is my best coping strategy. When I have time to kill and if it seems endlesss, I sit and ruminate and sink down. Today I have just moved in to cat sit for the week in Avondale. The cat in question though has brought a dead rat in somewhere in the bedroom and it is making its smell pronounced. I was asked by the friend whose flat it is to try locate it last night while she stood at a healthy distance - don't know why she thinks I am less squeamish than she is, but I guess a very dead rat wouldn't particularly bother me. The smell does though. It is somewhere around a chest of drawers, but no luck yet. My dogs would find it and chew it in a trice but it just isn't possible to get them here to find it (although the thought is ever so tempting). Theoretically the smell will eventually go away and the rat will just decay but I have no idea how long that will take. There is massive building construction going on next door so I am going to have to be a lot more security conscious as the builders can all see right in to the property here. I need to remember to go check on an elderly dog I house sit for normally too from Monday in Monavale. Suddenly very much in demand again for animal sitting.

So today, I went and picked up a hand made soap from a friend who has started The Little House of Herbs. She does beautiful stuff and it is all essential oils. Love it. I have a zoom lesson with my Chinese six year old (need to talk him out of eating pangolins from last lesson - eeeek). Then I am going to watch the film, The Favourite, at Reps in Theatre Upstairs with friends. Apparently it is actually pretty historically accurate according to BBC. I then have a four year old birthday party that I will go to after the film. Tomorrow is also fairly busy.

Last night I went to the art exhibition at Wechi - Art Framing and Gallery. There were some great pieces, the ones I liked particularly were by Coral (I have forgotten her surname). She used fabric collage in her work, in a most effective way. Mercy Moyo also does this with her portraits. Love it and want to try some time. The curator at Wechi said I should bring some of my better pieces and if they like them they could put them up on their website which attracts international buyers - pressure, eek. I also saw Leslie Johnson who organises the Wild Geese Art Festival. I had better look at what date it is, as I am apparently definitely down to exhibit - another eeeek, I didn't know it was definite. I had better paint!

Trying to be selective about what music I listen to, as that really affects me mood wise.