So, so much for no regrets. I now have a big one. I regret saying to my ex what my therapist said about cutting ties. I didn't want to but he wants to be "casual friends", where we only see each other at random things we both go to - that's not many and it didn't fit with my definition of what being friends means. It hurts because he broke up ending with "we will always be good friends" - he lied. I am more angry than sad right now.
I was going to go and volunteer again at Highlands Presby today and then go to The Base Church for another counselling session, but the counselling got cancelled so I decided instead to go and see my high school teacher, Mrs Sternslow again instead. I am so glad I did. She is still frail but although lucid only on and off, she was speaking and I even made her smile a few times, which warmed my heart. She also suffers from depression and kept saying she wishes it was all over. Next time I will try take her quotes I find helpful for depression. She also remembered the paper mache bowl with arum lilies she gave us as a gift once. Turns out she likes arum lilies even more than suflowers. I am trying to remember when arums are in flower. Have decided to get my paints out and paint her a picture of lilies for her wall. Will try make it as bright as possible. I associate arums with mourning and it feels like I am mourning the loss of not just a boyfriend but also my best friend, so it will be cathartic.
Had personal training yesterday and Cara pushed me hard. At one point she thought my lips were going blue - I did feel like I was going to be ill, I won't lie. Feeling it a bit today but good to be back to exercise again and working towards greater fitness. She has been a true friend and going for training is definitely therapeutic.
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